My Theme Song of the... Year.

Maybe I'm the joker. Maybe I'm the fool in your eyes. Maybe I'm the weak one. Maybe I'm a lie in disguise. Maybe I'm angry, 'cause I'm the one who's always wrong. Maybe I'm not the one who's so strong. But did you think about it? Did ya pull it in and pull it out. Could you live without me? Did you ever really have a doubt? But do you understand it baby? When you say it's over it's done. Maybe I'm not the one.

So if your gonna leave, ya you better get goin'. 'Cause I ain't wastin' no more time on what you did--and what you didn't. So if you're gonna leave, ya you better start runnin'. 'Cause I ain't wastin' no more time on what might've been.

We can stand on reason. We can fight about all the things. This isn't forever... this is more than a wedding ring. But do you understand it baby? When you say it's over it's done. Maybe I'm not the one.

So if you're gonna leave, ya you better get goin'. 'Cause I ain't wastin' no more time on what I did--and what I didn't. So if you're gonna leave, ya you better start runnin'. 'Cause I ain't wastin' no more time...

Whoa did it happen again? The things that YOU wanted for being a friend. How did it happen again? Just look onward baby. 'Cause someday you might need a friend.

So if you're gonna leave, ya you better get goin'. 'Cause I ain't wastin' no more time on what we did--and what we didn't. So if you're gonna leave, ya you better start runnin'. 'Cause I ain't wastin no more time... no I ain't wastin' no more time... on what might've been.

...

Right now... i need to scream. i need to cry... so... it's an uneventful post. but here it goes!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! WHY!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?! I CAN'T DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :'(

ok... i'm good on here. gotta go scream into my pillow now. thanks for reading!

Waiting

"I know what it is not to feel like your in the room until he looks at you or touches your hand or even makes a joke at your expense, just to let everyone know... you're with him. You're his" (P.S. I Love You).

That feeling of complete jealousy when you know he's hanging out with other girls--and actually enjoying himself. And you try to talk yourself out of being jealous... But it doesn't do any good. Knowing that he's moving on in his life... He's starting a new chapter--that you're not in. Knowing he doesn't trust in confiding in you anymore--he doesn't trust you to be there for him, and he's not there for you. When you feel like crying, he's not there to tell you an incredibly stupid joke that makes you smile. He says he misses the way you used to be, but you miss how he used to be too. You miss the simplicity of just being with each other--because now, it's playing a constant game. When you find someone else, and break their heart constantly because you always run back to him--even if it's just the thought of him. Waiting for his name to pop up on your phone unexpectedly with the same "hey girl" he always used to send you. Waiting for him to look at you so that you can smile at him--even if he doesn't smile back. Waiting... always waiting.

I know I shouldn't, but I'm waiting for you. Waiting for you to want me back. Waiting for you to open up, and let me know how you feel. Waiting to be with you again. I'm waiting... And I think I'll be waiting for a while.

Shout Out!

I would like to make a shout out to my one follower... MICHELLE! Thanks Michelle for reading my blogs... you're the only one that does! :)

Michelle, you're a great friend! Thanks for being there for me in all the simple things! (That includes reading this! :)) I can always count on you. :)

Why?

Why must we all do things we know we'll regret? Why do we get ourseves into situations we know will hurt us in the end? You'd think that we would be able to understand that it's not worth the pain you'll experience afterwards. But no, we continue going on and making these choices that give you that jolt while you're in the moment, but break your heart when that moment passes. Is there anyway we can ever learn? Maybe it'll get better when we grow up. But what if we don't want to wait that long? What if we need strength to just say no now?

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to be strong. I know I must rely on the Lord. But I just don't know how much longer I can wait for an answer. I guess it's like The First Vision. Joseph Smith was engulfed in this darkness that made him think he was going to be destroyed, and right when he thought there was no hope of being rescued from this darkness--this evil spirit--right at the end, when he didn't think he had strength for anymore, only then did Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ save him and deliver him from the enemy. Joseph had to pove that he had faith enough to call upon God, even when he felt he couldn't be saved.

This isn't the hardest thing I've ever gone through... So why does it feel like the end of the world? Because my worst enemy wants me to think it is. Well I'll show him that I'm alive in this beautiful world, while he's not. I'll show him just how strong I am. I am completely happy and even joyful. I can get through anything. When I feel like I can't hold on, I'll hold on anyway.

Why do we get into situations we'll regret being in later? Because in order to be old and wise, you once have to be young and stupid.

How Blessed Am I, Really?

Well, I just got back from a week at EFY. What a great week! I know that I need wake-up calls like that to make me realize how blessed I am in my life.

Isn't it just amazing how, even when you know life was going to be hard, you trusted God so completely and totally that you came here to fight for him, anyway? I know life gets really really hard sometimes--trust me, I've been there myself. But please don't ever give up! Because you've already won! There's no losing in this life! Only learning!

There are certain people in my life that I know I covenanted with to come to Earth and fight with them. I know I need their spirit and their strengths to help lift me. I know I can't do this alone, and there's no need to feel like I ever am alone. With my eternal friends, and my Savior, I am never alone.

So, thank you Michelle Clark. Kinsey Smith. Kailey McBride. Kevin McBride. Jacob Booher. Laura McBride. Danielle Sloan. Parker Garner. You truly are my eternal friends. We will be able to receive the blessings of eternity and spend that said eternity together--joyfully--if we only endure. And we can... Because we've already won!

He is our King, and our Father--we are His sons and daughters.

Mother Teresa

People are often unreasonable,
illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind,
people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful,
you will win some false friends and true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank,
people may cheat you;
Be honest anyway.

What you spend years building,
someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness,
they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today,
people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis,
it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.